Rickety-Pickety Fence

Sue-Ann had lived in the same neighborhood her entire life. In fact, she had lived in the same home her entire life. She had lived with her mother until her mother died, and she kept the house as part of her inheritance. The house was in a state of severe disrepair. The paint was peeling off of the wall and nothing had been cleaned in several years. The only part of the house that was even half-way decent was a telescope in Sue-Ann's bedroom; it is pointed out the window and into the next door house.
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10:00 AM
I wake up to the sounds of a lawn-mower. It roars like a wild animal as it rips away at the grass. I can smell the dankness that has settled into the stitching of my blankets. I feel itchy because I haven't bathed in several days. I haven't had the motivation to get into the shower. I look out the window and see my neighbors.
I should mention how wonderful my neighbors are. They are really good people; you can tell just by looking at them. It's a perfectly normal family. There is Phil, Madeline, Casey, Baxter, and Eleanor. Phil and Madeline are the parents in this family. They've been married for the past twenty years and you can just tell how much they love each other. God, if someone could love me like Phil loves Madeline. Casey is their oldest daughter, she is almost finished with high school. She's smart, but a bit of rebel. If I could only have a daughter like her… Baxter is the middle child- a boy in middle school. He's just like Phil in every single way possible. If only Baxter were forty years older… Eleanor is the baby, quite literally. She looks even more like Madeline than I thought possible. All five of them are my saving grace. I would give my life for them in a minute. If only I could meet them one day…
10:15 AM
I am pulling off the clothes I have on, they are in desperate need of washing. I think of Madeline. She always has such beautiful clothes. I never see her in the same outfit, and- believe me- I keep track of them. I especially love it when she wears blue. Oh, she looks so gorgeous in blue. Like an angel.
I look at my pile of clothes. They are disgusting and I'm sure Madeline would never touch them. However, they are good enough for me. I do not deserve wonderful things like Madeline. So, I put on a t-shirt that is one of my favorites and I find a pair of jeans that have the least amount of dirt on them. They are getting tight on me, but I have no intention of buying any new clothes.
I walk out to my kitchen and look inside of the refrigerator. I think of Phil. He is a head chef at a restaurant in town. I watch him cook breakfast for the kids. Fridays are always "Happy-Face-Pancake" days. I have never had pancakes that were made to look like human faces. I bet the food he makes tastes wonderful. I can only imagine…
I look back into the refrigerator and see nothing but spoiled milk and a tub of butter. I close the door and convince myself that I am actually not very hungry. Yet, my stomach grumbles nonetheless.
10:30 AM
It is almost time for the family to go out and play in the yard. They do this every weekend. I never had that when I was a little kid, but I can live vicariously through Casey, Baxter, and Eleanor. Phil comes out first and it looks like he has made smoothies for the family. He is so considerate… I wish he were mine. Madeline comes out next with Eleanor in her arms. Madeline is wearing a beautiful blue sundress. I yearn for her. I want to run my fingers across the soft material of her dress. Eleanor is smiling and happy. Casey and Baxter come out together and they are getting ready to play soccer. They are both so talented.
Madeline sets Eleanor on the ground to play in the grass. She kisses Phil on the cheek as they cuddle on the porch swing. I close my eyes and pretend I am sitting between them and that they are the ones loving me. That Madeline is really kissing my cheek and that Phil is really holding my hand. I can almost feel their gentle touches. Almost.
10:45 AM
I decide to go get the paper. Sometimes Casey is in the paper for her various achievements at school. The last time she was in it, it was for winning a scholarship. I was so proud of her…
I am at the curb, bending down to pick up my paper, when I hear someone coming up. I look up and it's Madeline. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! I am so scared and I don’t know what to do. I just stay on the ground as she approaches the curb to get her own paper. I pray she doesn't see me.
Shit! She sees me. She looks at me inquiringly and smiles in my direction before walking away. Did that really just happen? She acknowledged me! She looked at me and smiled at me. For the first time in my life, I feel complete.
I run into my house and I sit down on the dirty floor. I try to re-live the moment as many times as possible. I think her smile is burned right into my skull. I cannot stop the smile etched into my face. I grab the mirror closest to me and I try to emulate Madeline's smile. I can't. I am not pretty enough to match her smile, but I still have her symbol of love in my mind.
"Madeline, Madeline, Madeline, Madeline…" I repeat her name over and over again, out loud, like a magical chant. Perhaps, if I say her name enough, she will come to me and stay forever.
11:52 AM
My voice is too hoarse for me to say another word. My throat feels like someone set it on fire. I finally get up off of the floor and go back to my window. The family has gone back inside, to get ready for lunch. I see Madeline, my darling, standing at the kitchen counter, making sandwiches. Phil is in the living room, probably checking his e-mails. I suddenly feel angry at Phil… Why should Madeline be slaving away in the kitchen while Phil gets to sit on his lazy ass? Phil is a jerk to Madeline. I fucking hate Phil. I hate every goddamn fucking thing about him. That prick!
12:04 PM
The family is in the kitchen, sitting down at the small table in the room. The asshole is sitting next to my beloved, acting like he did so much to help. Pretentious prick. The children are being noisy now. God, I can hear them all the way over here. Casey and Baxter are arguing, not even paying respect to their mother for making such a wonderful meal. They are bitching and moaning, squabbling right in front of her- right at the dinner table. I am so angry, so upset. I want to kick their fucking faces in. And, Phil is doing nothing to stop it. I'll kick his face in too. Eleanor is crying and whining. She's a bitch too. I can barely take anymore, so I have to look away. I can't stand that my beloved is being subjected to such torture. I want to go and save her. She would be safe and happy here…
1:27 PM
I am finally able to breathe again. I look out the window again, afraid of what I might see. Phil, the asshole, is sitting in front of the television with the little monsters. They are fucking nimrods for sitting in front of that mind-sucking box. I look in the upstairs window and see Madeline reading from a book and sipping from a glass. Everything she does is so wonderful. Absolutely everything. The way she reads is mesmerizing to say the least. She runs her fingers down the pages as her eyes glide over each letter. She is so expressive when she reads, smiling or frowning when appropriate. I bet she is reading some amazing book that I will never know how to read. I wish I were the book in her hand. She could read every single page of me. People have always said that I am an open book…
3:15 PM
The monsters downstairs have finished their television viewing. I hope their minds seep out of their fucking heads. They are looking for Madeline. Phil goes to look for her. He goes to the upstairs window and he finds her there, reading away. For some reason, he is angry as hell. He has a look on his face that looks as if he is ready to kill. I am absolutely horrified. How dare he look at her like that?! He begins scolding her like she is a child. He isn't addressing her like the lady she is. I want to kill him. She is trying to assuage him. She looks like she is speaking the kindest words imaginable. I feel my heart flutter with each syllable I watch fall from her lips. She would never hurt a fly.
They hug and they kiss now. I am jealous beyond all belief. He doesn't deserve it, Madeline. Don't give him your love! Yet, she allows him to take it. God, I am disgusted by what I see. I can only describe it as rape.
3:45 PM
The family is reunited again as both Madeline and Phil come down the stairs. They are all happy once again. If only Madeline didn't have the burden of this horrible family. She could be with me forever, then. I would treat her like a goddess.
They seem to be planning something wonderful. Phil looks excited and the children are smiling. I see them all heading towards the garage. I am worried now… I hope to God that Madeline isn't leaving, but I see her get into the car as well. She seems to be happy too, but I know she is hiding the depression that lives inside of her because of her horrible family. They pull out of the driveway and drive down the street. I am scared that Madeline is out of my sight. But, their house is now empty…
3:54 PM
I am walking to my neighbor's house. It is only the briefest of strolls, but my pace is interceded by the most horrible of objects: a white picket fence. I know Madeline's taste, and this fence is not her. This fence is her oppression, her separation. I look around the neighborhood and I see no one else around. I want to free you, Madeline. I know what I must do…
3:57 PM
I am pulling up the picket fence one stake at a time. I am ripping it out of the ground with my bare hands. I can feel my muscles pulling apart and my finger-nails falling off like leaves in the fall. My hands are a bloody mess. I am in so much pain. But, it is all for Madeline. We must suffer for what we love. I will not rest until my Madeline is not caged like a bird. I will tear apart this rickety-pickety fence; this Americana prison that traps my beloved in hell.
4:27 PM
I have ripped out the final stake. The fence is now rubble on the ground. I am laughing hysterically. I may be in the most pain I have ever experienced in my life, but I am so happy. I look over to my neighbor's house. I forgot how beautiful it was. I walk to the front door. The mahogany door that separates me from the inside has a brass knocker attached to it. I run my blood-covered fingers over the cool metal.
I know where the spare key is hidden- right under the mat. I pick it up and gently insert it into the door handle. I take care not to do anything rough to the home; it is a sanctuary. The inside of the home is even more wonderful than I previously imagined. The interior, all decorated by Madeline, is exquisite. It is almost too beautiful for me to even look at. The air smells like citrus and flowers, and not in the way where you can tell that they use spray-can perfumes.
4:35 PM
I am in Phil's recreation room. I can see all of his interests laid out before me. There are old action figures collecting dust, comic books still in their plastic casings, and his hunting equipment. I look at the various knives and guns he has for his hobby. There are long-barreled shot-guns and small pistols. I place my hand on each of the weapons, finally resting on a silvery pistol. It looks dangerous. I pick it up in my hands and it is heavier than I expected; I almost drop it on the ground. It was as if fate were calling my name. I wrapped my finger around the trigger. I will need this later. I must save her.
4:37 PM
I am sitting on the bed, in the same place where she sleeps. I stick my face onto the pillow and I breathe in deeply. It smells like fancy lavender shampoo. I wish I could breathe in this smell for the rest of my life. But, I finally grow too curious and move on. I see her closet and my heart jumps a little. I open the door and immediately I see the beautiful blue sundress. I almost rip it in half as I get my greedy hands on the material. It is silk. It is perhaps the softest and finest piece of cloth I have ever touched. I decide that I should wear the dress. Just to be that much closer to Madeline. I force it onto my heftier frame and the seams are starting to rip. This same fabric that is hugging my body once hugged Madeline's body.
4:41 PM
This is by far the most glorious room in the house. It is Madeline's study. There are books everywhere, and it is magical. I look at each of the titles and they are all great works of literature. I pull out a particularly well-thumbed-through book and hold it in my hands. It's title is, "The Sun Also Rises" by Ernest Hemingway. Even the titles of the books that she reads are beautiful. This is the room where I want to stay. For the rest of my life.
I continue to explore this sacred place. I walk up to a bureau cabinet that looks promising. It is made of luxurious cherry wood that makes the room even more studious. I open the doors to the bureau.
I AM NOTHING! I AM NOTHING! I AM NOTHING! I AM FUCKING NOTHING!
A menagerie of empty whiskey bottles fall out onto the floor, each crashing and spreading out tiny shards of glass. They are all her bottles. Every one of them. She drank each drop. She hid them away like this. She is nothing. She is just as bad as me. She is not important. I am nothing. I thought she was important, but she isn't. I am worthless for loving her. She is a wicked witch for making me love her.
I AM NOTHING! I AM NOTHING! I AM WASTED!
The fury builds within me so quickly that the only thing I am able to do is trash the room. I rip books off of bookshelves. I take the Ernest Hemingway and I shred the pages until they look like confetti. I push the bureau until it crashes to the ground. I grab the gun and hold it in my hands. It is the only thing I worship now. I stand in the study. I wait.
5:14 PM
A scream emits from Madeline's mouth as she finds me standing in her study. She looks beyond terrified. Phil runs to help her and he is just as startled. I hear him yell at the kids to go to the neighbors and call the cops. I stand there and look at them. I judge them. They are unholy. They have made me unholy.
"Both of you!" I finally scream. They both jump at the sound of me voice. "How could you deceive me like this?!"
They both stare blankly, fear in their eyes. I stand there, snarling. I have been holding the gun so tightly that it feels fused to my bone. I pull it up and point it at them. But, something stops me. I try to fight against this unknown force. So, the gun ends up where it probably was always meant to go- where it should have gone the whole time. I pull the trigger.